Happy Birthday Mom

                Today is my mom’s birthday, so I thought I would talk about her a little bit.

My Mom

 When I was little she was working for Neways and Newskin. She made good money and still had time for her family: me, my dad and my three brothers.  I don’t have a lot of memories of this mom, the ones my family and brothers knew. My brothers are about 10 years apart from me in age.

                When I was ten years old, my great grandfather passed away at the age of 98 and shortly after that my family’s world was turned upside down. My mom started getting sick; she had constant headaches that were interrupting her work and making it hard for her at home as well. After many doctor visits they told her she had suffered two strokes and shouldn’t have been alive. After that she had to quit her job and we had to declare bankruptcy. We had to move to a new city and start over in a rental house. I was 11 at this point and it was hard for me to make friends at the new Middle school I had started attending.

                 Shortly after we were settled in to the rental house mom began getting sick again. She wasn’t able to eat food without throwing it back up. We found out what was wrong there and she ended up with a feeding tube in her stomach for about 8 months. This was hard for all of us, but I had to stay home and help out. I was still attending school, but that was about it. Two of my brothers had moved out by this point, and my dad and other brother were at work all day. It left me to take care of everything.

                Mom suffered two more strokes before I was even in high school, so she was in and out of the hospital all the time. I wasn’t very outgoing in school so it’s not like my family missed any big events, but I was still left to take care of everything.

                Once I was in high school I got a job and was not held responsible as much, plus mom’s health seemed to get better during this time. That was, until I was about 16 and a half and I was able to drive and became more useful, I guess is the word. During my junior and senior year, my mom would call me out of class, and I would take her to doctor’s office and hospitals, whenever she felt she needed to go.  These visits weren’t always necessary, but I couldn’t say anything. The doctors were more interested in what mom had to say, and I was just a dumb kid that didn’t know what was going on.  I spent most of my senior year in the hospital with mom.

                Once I got out of High School, mom would be alright for a while but then every other week she would have a bad day and I would end up taking her to the hospital for something. Dad pretty much told me not to leave the house so someone was home with mom.

                Don’t get me wrong I loved my mom, but being trapped, not being able to live a normal 18 year old life made me incredibly depressed. It was hard being at mom’s beckon call, and being stuck working the same job because if I had more than three hours of work I wouldn’t be home for mom. I don’t blame my mom at all, it wasn’t her fault. It was dad that set these rules.

                This depression continued for another year, until Izzie finally realized how bad it was and invited me to come stay with her. I jumped at the opportunity, after living 200 miles away and visiting whenever I could, my depression seemed to vanish. I came out of my shell and rediscovered myself.

                While I was living away from home, mom would call me every day. It made her sad that I moved out, she kept begging me to come home. Every time I thought about it, I remembered how bad my depression was. After a year dad called me and told me they put mom in a rehab center to help her learn to function normally. I was excited, I thought it meant that I would get my mom back once and for all.

                One day my dad called me while I was on my way home and told me mom wanted to talk to me. So I pulled over and tried to talk to her, she didn’t seem to make much sense and she didn’t seem to understand what I was saying at all. I told her I loved her before she gave the phone back to my dad.

                About a week later I got a call from my dad, telling me my mom had passed away in her sleep. It crushed me, I still feel guilty that I didn’t get to say good bye. I just hope she understands.

                Today her first birthday that she is not here for.  Mom, I just want you to know that I will love you forever, and I miss you every day. Love, your baby girl.